I was commissioned by an internet site to write bios on 30 celebrities.
Here were the guidelines:
Must Include-
Place and date of birth
Real name if different than stage name
Awards and honors
Reason they inspire public scrutiny
50-75 words or less
Originally written with a clear "voice"
No repeating order, change the way the information is delivered every time so they each seem fresh
This is what I came up with. Whadyathink?
Angelina Jolie
Not just one of the world’s most beautiful woman and the most famous homewreck, Angelina Jolie is an outstanding actress even winning a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for “Girl Interrupted” in 2000. She comes from good stock after all. Despite dropping the Voight at the end of her name (and then dumping Dad all together) on June 4th, 1975 in Los Angeles, California, the Midnight Cowboy became father to the mouth that launched a thousand ships and at least as many foreign adoptions.
George Clooney
Get me a Caesar cut and a scalpel, STAT! As Dr. Doug Ross of ER (1994-2000), George Clooney finally launched into superstardom after years of failed pilots and short lived guest spots. The Lexington, Kentuky native has declared he “will never be married again”, which just makes us want him more! We even loved him all pudgy and angry in his Oscar winning “Syriana” performance. Write May 6th, 1961 in the history books as the day Danny Ocean was born.
Chace Crawford
John Travolta (Welcome Back, Cotter), Luke Perry (90210), Chistopher Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl). Insert high pitched shrieking here. In Lubbock, Texas on July 18th, 1985, who could have known that they were welcoming a new teenage heartthrob to the world? With the sky rocket success of the CW Smash and a slightly covert relationship with American Idol, Carrie Underwood, only time will tell if Chace goes the way of Joey Lawrence or Michael J. Fox.
James Woods
Born April 18th, 1947 in Vernal, Utah, James Woods has made a career of talking fast and thinking faster. He made the leap to fame as a hardened cop killer in 1979’s “The Onion Field” and has been one of Hollywood’s most eccentric leading men ever since. A member of MENSA, he uses that big brain on the ladies and they swarm like bees to honey. He’s so good, rumor has it Sean Young stalked him after he dumped her.
Mischa Barton
Mischa Barton, hailing from Jolly Ol’ London, England, began her career as a lauded child actress. She was in Tony Kushner’s acclaimed “Slavs!” at the age of 9 (born: Jan 24th, 1986), “The Sixth Sense” at age 13 and became a star as “The O.C.’s” Marissa Cooper at 17. Since the show was cancelled last year, her major claim to fame is being a member of the growing Hollywood Starlet DUI Club and repeatedly getting caught smoking a joint while driving.
Sofia Coppola
Born into fame on May 14th, 1971 in NYC, NY, when Sofia Coppola took over for Winona Ryder in “Godfather 3” she was promptly awarded a 1991 Razzie-Worst New Star/Worst Supporting Actress. But she returned triumphantly in 1999, directing “The Virgin Suicides”, then winning a 2004 Oscar for best original screenplay (“Lost in Translation”) giving her the dubious honor of one of the few people to win both an Oscar and a Razzie.
Nicole Richie
Chubby Paris Hilton tag-a-long loses the weight and makes good. Nicole Camille Escovedo was born on September 21st, 1981 in Berkeley, California but was adopted by Lionel Ritchie in 1990 and that’s where the trouble began. “The Simple Life” made her known, her weight loss made her famous, her feud and reconciliation with Paris made her ultra-famous and now we’re waiting to see if she’ll turn into a heroin addict again or if she can actually raise a child (look out, Britney #2).
Brittany Murphy
Maybe it’s Brittany Murphy’s Atlanta, Gerogia roots and her character on “King of the Hill”. Maybe it’s the fading memory of her endearing breakout role in “Clueless”. Maybe it’s because she shares a November 10th birthday with Warren G, Sinbad, and Eve (though she was born in 1977) but after all the Ashton Kutcher hi-jinks, plastic surgery denials (yeah, right), two failed engagements and a marriage to gross, shady “screenwriter”, Simon Monjack, who people call “Con-Jack”, something keeps her famous.
Sophia Bush
Sophia Bush was a Tournament of Roses Parade Queen in her hometown of Pasadena, California in 2000, three years before “One Tree Hill” made her a household name and six years before she filed for divorce from her costar, Chad Michael Murray, after only five months of marriage, citing “fraud”. Born July 8th, 1982, Sophia is five years and three months older than the 18 year old Chad moved on to. Burn!
Tyson Beckford
Forget a tree grows in Brooklyn, a fine ass man was born in the Bronx on December 19th, 1970! Tyson Beckford was first spotted playing in a New York City park in 1991. By 1993, he’d been named The Face of Polo by Ralph Lauren. He’s been one of the world’s top male models ever since. If you need a weekly dose, he’s currently hosting “Make Me a SuperModel” on Bravo, the perfect reminder that models are meant to be seen and not heard.
50 Cent
Get rich or die tryin'? Curtis James Jackson III will take get rich for $440 Million, Alex. In Jamaica, Queens on July 6th, 1975, the man we’ve come to know and love as 50 Cent was born. Arguably one of the most famous victims in music history (and the second richest rapper behind Jay-Z), he was shot nine times, caught a sales beat down by Kayne West and has lost all 13 times he’s been nominated for a Grammy. But he did teach the world the correct ghetto pronunciation of “Fifty” (it’s fiddy).
Abigail Breslin
Abigail Breslin is the anti-Dakota Fanning. They’re both disarmingly talented but Abigail lacks Dakota’s bizarre, robotic perfection and we adore her for that. We needed a “Little Miss Sunshine” with accessible normalcy and a total lack of self consciousness when busting moves to Rick James. She already had an Oscar nomination by age ten, let’s keep our fingers crossed and see how the little charmer from New York City who was born April 14th, 1996 fares puberty.
Adam Brody
We wish high school dorks came as cute as Seth Cohen on “The OC”. Maybe it’s only the ones who grew up in San Diego, born on December 15th, 1979. Oh, Adam Brody what happened? You seemed poised for a major breakout post-OC but, so far, your ex, Rachel Bilson, who jumped (pardon the pun) to Hayden Christensen, carries the title. We want more of your dry, sardonic humor and a reminder of why comic book loving half-Jews are hot. Perhaps if you get cast as The Flash we can fall in love all over again.
Adam Carolla
We can thank the brilliant mind of Philadelphia’s own, Adam Carolla for introducing the world to Juggies; hot, stacked girls who hand out chilled mugs of beer and bounce on trampolines. We listened to him answer questions about masturbation and STDs for years on LoveLine and can always depend on his big toothy mouth to tell it like it is. Crank Yankers was his brainchild. He was born May 27th, 1964 to a sex therapist mom and psychologist dad. How else was he expected to turn out?
Adam Sandler
If we could write a song about September 9th, 1966 in Brooklyn, New York, when a little comic genius was born, we would. And then we’d have Opera Man sing it. Adam Sandler was integral to some of the best years of SNL and has a string of films that surged way beyond the $100 Million mark, paving the way for Will Ferrell and proving SNL-ers can dominate weekdays too! Plus, he provided the holiday anthem, “The Chanukah Song”. Not too shabby!
Adrian Grenier
Vinnie Chase of HBO's Entourage has the best life ever! How does he manage that when he seems to be constantly screwing up his career, hemorrhaging money and being a pretty crappy actor? Mischa Barton and Jesse Metcalf do it, so I guess it makes sense. As a matter of fact, so does Mr. Vinnie Chase himself, Adrien Grenier. When not acting, the New Mexico native can usually be found making out with a hot chick. Mystifying. Haven't they seen those paparazzi shots of him jogging (shudder, shudder, gag). Maybe his birthday, July 10th, 1976, is lucky.
Adriana Lima
A lot of Brazilians are hot but Adriana Lima, hailing from Salvador, Bahia, Brazil and born June 12th, 1981, is smoking, en fuego, extra-dynamo hot! Any man between the ages of 13 and 80 needs "alone time" after the mere mention of her name. Maybelline and Victoria's Secret have been her bread and butter for years but, after her Superbowl commercial, maybe Kleenex should make her their official spokesmodel. Ohhh, did we forget to mention, she claims to still be a virgin. Gadzooks!
Adrien Brody
What was more memorable: Adrien Brody’s stunning performance in "The Pianist" or the moment he swept Halle Berry into his arms for a wet one upon winning the 2002 Oscar for that role? He began his career carving intricately crafted characters in films like
“Summer of Sam”, set in 1977 New York, his hometown just four years after he was born on April 14th, 1973. Post-Oscar, despite a few films, like “King Kong” and “Hollywoodland”, his mainly been a fixture on the party scene. We anxiously await his next great turn somewhere besides a red carpet.
Al Pacino
When people talk about the greatest actors of all time, Al Pacino is always on the list. Born April 25th, 1940 in the South Bronx, New York, he has turned in some of the most memorable performances of all time including his roles in “Dog Day Afternoon”, “Serpico”, “The Godfather” and “Scarface”. With eight Oscar nominations and one win (Scent of a Woman, 1992), no one does it like Al. He is truly one for the history books. Whoo-ah!
Alec Baldwin
Apparently no one remembers when kids got spanked and didn't talk back to their parents. We do, and we'd take our dad calling us an "ungrateful pig" over getting wacked on the ass and grounded. Alec Baldwin (nee Alexander Rae Baldwin, April 3rd, 1958, Massapequa, NY) is a comic genius, a smoldering leading man, a Golden Globe winner, an Emmy and Oscar-nominee with a bad rap. People love a scandal and between his messy divorce from Kim Basinger and the "leaked" voicemail, Alec serves it up on a platter but five minutes watching Jack Donaghy on “30 Rock” and all you can remember is how brilliant this man is.
Alessandra Ambrosio
Alessandra Ambrosio was born in the small Brazilian town of Erechim on April 11th, 1981. Trying to prove that models aren’t born perfect, she’s been extremely vocal about having plastic surgery to pin her ears back, the complications that arose from the surgery and why plastic surgery is bad. Honey, you’re stunning, shut up! Let the ugly fatties have whatever surgery they want and need and you keep being a Victoria’s Secret Angel. Currently knocked up, she continues to model in lingerie and bikinis. Ewwwww!
Ali Larter
Who can forget the Whipped Cream bikini scene in Varsity Blues? Who would want to? Model turned teen sensation turned “Heroes” star, Ali Larter is giving Jersey girls a good name (she was born Alison Elizabeth Larter in Cherry Hill, NJ on February 28th, 1976) by portraying the world’s most famous schizophrenic, Niki/Jessica Sanders. So…when will Niki be rocking that whipped cream bikini? We’re just asking. Please don’t tear up in two!
Alicia Keys
Alicia J. Augello-Cook just didn’t have the right ring to it so the piano prodigy since age seven, born in New York City on January 25th, 1980 (or 1981 depending on which rumor you like), changed it to Alicia Keys and has been making history ever since. She burst onto the scene with her 2001 album, Songs in A Minor, selling six million copies and winning five Grammys (she’s won 16 in total to date). The Proactiv model and rumored paramour of Common even sang her ass off while Kid Rock and Tommy Lee duked it out for the love of Pam.
Alicia Silverstone
As if! Alicia Silverstone was born on at 3:44pm PDT on October 4, 1976, in San Francisco, California. First she was our "Crush" then she made us "Crazy" for Aerosmith (best music video trilogy EVER!!!) but soon she was "Fat Girl" in the worst of the Batman movies. There was no one more quoted or coveted than Cher from 1995’s “Clueless” but she’s slowly drifted out of sight. A devote vegan and owner of the most downtrodden lips on earth, if nothing else, her weight fluctuations keep us interested.
Alyson Hannigan
Who wouldn't be famous after announcing, "One time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my...” oh, you know where that bad boy went! Star of “American Pie”, “Buffy”, and “How I met Your Mother”, Alyson (who randomly changed her name from Allison) Hannigan knows how to build a cult following. Born in Washington, DC on March 24th, 1974, she is also one of the few “American Pie” kids to avoid scandal and continue to work consistently. Tara Reid, Natasha Lyonne, Thomas Ian Nicholas (who?) can we say the same for you?
Amanda Bynes
Amanda Bynes was born April 3rd, 1986 and raised in Thousand Oaks, California, just a few miles from the sound stages she’d be dominating by age ten on “All That”. She was headlining “The Amanda Show” by age 13 and, by 16, she was carrying “What I Like About You”. An undeniable sensation, she’s dodged the typical child star dysfunction bullet coming across as incredibly grounded, normal and humble, even signing a five year deal to design “Dear”, her affordable collection for Steve and Barry’s. When she says she doesn’t drink and isn’t hitting the clubs, we actually believe her and see her sailing into adulthood with great success. She is the man!
Amanda Peet
Amanda Peet is one of those rare cases where her beauty seems to have worked against her. One of the most underrated actresses of her generation, the New York City native has worked consistently through her twenties (she’s now 36, born January 11th, 1972) but her biggest claim to fame might be her co-starring role with Ashton Kutcher in "A Lot Like Love" or her supporting role as Matt Damon’s wife in “Syriana”. That was, until she got cast in the X-Files Sequel. After that, she needs to tell “Troy” and “25th Hour” super-scribe, David Benioff, her husband and baby daddy, to write her a plum role!
Omarosa
The Original Reality TV Bitch, Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth trumped Trump's self promotion with her own during the premiere season of “The Apprentice”. A small town girl from Youngstown, Ohio, she was born just after Valentine’s Day, February 15th, 1974, and she’s been fighting for love and attention ever since. Having eecked everything she can out of her 15 minutes (she's turned it into at least 45) she continues to show up all over reality TV, including coming back for "Celebrity Apprentice". Who the hell thinks she's a celebrity besides herself? Tick tock, tick tock…time’s almost up.
America Ferrera
Proving "Real Women Have Curves" and that Ugly is the new pretty, America Ferrera has made a name for herself by championing Hispanics, ugly ducklings not quite to the swan stage, chubby chicks, and those of us who love a rockin' poncho and won't be made to feel bad about it! The youngest of six kids, born April 14th, 1984 in Los Angeles, California, her “Ugly Betty” won the 2007 SAG, Golden Globe and Emmy Award. She looks like she's losing a little weight but we love her anyway.
Amy Adams
Born August 20th, 1974 in Aviano, Pordenone, Italy and raised in Castle Rock, Colorado, Amy Adams was one of seven children. It seems fitting that she’s a former Hooters hostess who left when she turned 18 and they wanted her to start wearing the customary outfit. She’s apple pie, cotton candy and Grace Kelly all in one. From "Drop Dead Gorgeous" to her Oscar nominated 2006 role in "Junebug", her genuine innocence and charm pours over you. Watching her sing "Happy Working Song" live at the 2008 Oscars, pure and honest and irony-less, you could practically hear her cell phone ringing with job offers. She's the human mint julep: delightful and refreshing.
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