Sticky Situations, The Life of a Soft Core Porn PA

Sticky Situations, Written for FoxAtomic/Madatoms.com

There are no names to protect the innocent but let me be very clear, THIS IS NOT MY STORY, this is the retelling of my anonymous friend's first job in the "industry".

My first job in the entertainment industry was as a Soft-Core Porn PA.

I’m livin' the dream!

That’s what I kept telling myself the first day on set (a strip club in Commerce that was dirty-irty-irty) as I sat for lighting tests on a crystal bed covered with glass dildos and paddles with heart cut outs (for a Valentine’s Day perfect mark).

Livin’ the dream! Livin’ the dream! I bet Spielberg totally had jobs like this!

Hollywood is all about paying your dues. I paid my dues by watching two people pretend to hump, patch-and-sock style. For those of you who still think Skin-amax is hot, realize, while he’s pretending to ravish her behind gossamer curtains, a nylon knee high “sock” is smacking her “patch”-ed ass while a producer, two feet away, watches like a hawk to make sure there’s no skin on skin action or else the “actors” get a pay bump.

Though accidents happen. Sometimes scenes are shot with hardcore actors, people who aren’t used to not really having sex. One time, the DP, grasping at straws to be able to tell himself that this wasn’t “real porn”, starts screaming “CUT! CUT!” After shooting over 300 hours of folks dry humping, he caught a glimpse of some real penetration, threw a fit and threatened to quit. Everyone has their limit.

Like the time they needed another extra in a Marine barrack gang bang scene. They asked “What would it take to get you to do this?” I really really really didn’t want to. “What happens if I end up running Disney?” I asked. How do you explain that to the Mouse? “How much would it take?” they asked. How do you put a price on your dignity, your future, your pride? I did it for an extra $100 bucks. But I made them spray dye my hair and gave me fake stubble.

Then, one day, I got fired. Have you ever thought how it feels to get fired from a porno shoot? Just imagine it for a minute. The porn industry just declared that you are not good enough.

So, I moved on to Reality TV.

And you know what I learned? The line between reality shows and soft core porn is very thin. Hey, I’m livin’ the dream.